Mom,

I’m sorry for what my dad did to you for years.

I’m sorry the abuse didn’t end even when you found out about me.

I’m sorry that you see us eyes when you look into mine.

I’m sorry that you can’t love me no mater how much you try.

I’m sorry I blame you for him leaving, but I need you. I need you to hold me every once in awhile. I need you to wipe my tears. I need you to tell me I’ll be ok even if we both know it’s completely true.

I hate how you make me feel. I hate that you compare me to everyone of my sisters. I hate that you love them more.

You married my step dad when I was three and divorced him twelve hours later and I will forever hate you for that. I hate that you let him leave me like I was nothing. I hate that you got a boyfriend a month later and are still with him two years later. You are pregnant. About four months. The baby isn’t born yet and I’m already jealous. He’s the little boy you always wanted. He’s already more loved then me and it hurts. I was molested, when I told you you told me I couldn’t say anything because my niece needed both of her parents. When it finally got out you told everyone I was dreaming. I tried to kill myself and you said I didn’t take the pills. I was in the hospital last year for over dosing for the third time, you still tell me that it wasn’t a big deal. I forgot how to walk. I was unconscious for a week and was on oxygen for the entirety. I don’t remember most of my childhood because I block it out. You guys always emotionally abused me but it was okay. My older sister abused me physically the younger ones emotionally. You never did anything to stop it. This month is always hard for me and you know that. It’s my birth fathers birthday, the anniversary of the divorce among other things. You make it about yourself tell me it’s been two years I should be over it. I’m sorry but I’m not.

All in all I’m sorry I hate you and most of all I’m sorry that I still love you