I have always been a supporter of “pro-choice.” Regardless of the cause, life threatening, not being ready, history, etc. I’m a supporter of pro choice as in our bodies. We should be in charge of our own bodies. Others see or hear stories and are quick to judge and I sat down thinking about writing so that’s why I’m writing this post for women out there to know what happened to me just one week ago and know that they are not alone.

My story isn’t traumatic, my story isn’t some of those scary life threatening situations. It’s just of a regular girl who was not ready and wanted to get an abortion.

It happened a while back, my Fiancé and I made love and well, an accident happened. We got Plan B and thought everything should work. Two weeks passed, all I wanted to do was sleep, my breast were sore to the point I wanted to cry. Thinking I was fine I still took a test and bam positive in 5 seconds. I took like five tests thinking they were all broken. I panicked, I called my mom her words were,” Well, what do you plan to do?” I knew, I automatically knew. I’m not keeping it. She supported me either way but I could tell she was upset I was careless.

I live in a small apartment with a handsome fiancé, a cat and a bunny. It sounds wonderful? I live with a fiancé who I barely even see. He works night shifts. If I do see him it’s maybe 4 hours at the most until I have to sleep for my 7am job. My head was spinning miles and miles a minute thinking of each side. I couldn’t do it. I could not. I don’t want something to be born in the world when I was not ready. I’m not financially stable and I can barely afford food/rent. I’ll be the one taking care especially knowing my fiancé works late night shifts. Kid won’t even know his/her dad. You may be saying,” No one is ever ready.” But as the title says,” Step into my shoes.”

I went to the clinic, they said I was 5 weeks. They asked if I wanted to see it. I did. It looked like a tiny little raisin hanging off a wall. The image is stuck into my head but I didn’t want it. So they gave me options, the pill or surgery. I did the surgery. I scheduled the appointment and came back the following week.

I sat down with several girls, each telling their stories. Mothers who have already had their first or second, girls who were 17- saying their mom freaked out, girls talking about college and finishing their PhDs. They seemed like ordinary girls who made the same choice I did. All said the same thing.” I’m not ready.” I thought about the protestors outside the clinic telling us to not do this. I thought about the government always trying to stop this. Then I thought of the government walking in and shutting the whole system down. What would each of us girls do?

The nurse gave me some Valium, some Tylenol and next thing you know I was drowsy. I walked into a room and laid down, legs put up, given IV and the only thing I remember is someone saying,” We are cleaning you up now.” I remember bits of people talking to me. I remember walking outside and seeing my fiancé smile at me and carrying me home.

I hear horror stories of girls who were awake and experienced the whole procedure. It made me scared. It made me sad many of them had to go through with that. I’m just thankful I was out cold and only remember being wiped down. I was given pills after to ease the pain.

The reason for my post is because I’ve only told a few very few what I went through. When I found out, one of my friends asked and she cheered for me. I stopped her and said,” No. I’m not keeping it.” Her face was so sad and kept asking why. All I kept repeating was,” It’s my body. I’m not ready.”

Another friend gave me a hug and told me it’s my choice. She understood even though she wasn’t fully a supporter since she had two miscarriages and wanted to have babies.

I played out each scenario in my head if I told certain people. I knew others would judge, I knew others would not talk to me. It’s situations like this that make me sad. We are too quick to judge. I may not have had a valid reason for doing this. You may be thinking,” You murderer. You killed an innocent baby.” You could be thinking a lot of things, but it’s my body, my situation. There could of been more complications, the kid might not be loved by both parents, I’ve seen my friends who know they were planned tell me stories I don’t want to hear, etc.

But most of all, I really am not ready. I did a small prayer because of this. I know when the future comes and if I do have a kid, I know that kid will be loved not just by myself but by the father as well.

I posted this just for others who might be in a situation similar as myself know they are not alone. You decide, no one does it for you.