The relationship I'm in has had so many up and downs. Early on, after the puppy love phase, my fiance began to seriously make me feel like shit saying I was the biggest girl he had ever been with and I didn't turn him on etc. He was a major porn addict and once that was brought to light, after plenty of fights, he stopped watching. And it helped so much. He saw how what he would say to me would wear on me and stopped. During that time, I came across his account on of the porn sites where he had saved 200+ videos, different folders, with one in redheads. "Natural redhead, pale skin, pink nipples, thin with a big booty. My PERFECT woman". It crushed me. So I'm not his idea of his perfect woman. Things I can't just make happen. I've caught him jacking off to the redhead pornos in the bathroom.. fast forward like two years. A whole lot better of a place, we just had a little girl, getting married... I still find myself getting upset because I feel like I'm not what he wants. He used to try and keep up with exes or anyone he's slept with. That's all stopped for a while. But I've grown so bitter towards myself, towards him, towards women in general. Its unhealthy and I hate it. Every time I see a girl he's commenting wot in Facebook or it's gotten to where if there's a girl around and I feel like he would find her attractive, I shut down. I flat out just don't feel like enough. I used to be so confident. So happy. Now I hate myself and get insecure around so many women. Like we could be watching TV and this sex scene comes on with hot girl with a nice body and I cringe. Like man, how can you see that and know that exists and then look at me. I suck. I have no idea on how to make peace with myself and work on my bitterness and anger.

*Not a natural redhead