Choices or let it blow over?

I’m nineteen. I have been with the same boy I feel in love with for three years. We moved from Chicago to iowa together for college and live together. We had problems in the beginning of our relationship, he kept talking to his ex, romantically, caught him going to her place after dropping me off at home and conversing with my father.

His past relationship was not a perfect one. His ex cheated on him continuously, as did he. For I found out the other day that a girl I caught him flirting with in the beginning of our relationship...he had a fling with for the two years of his previous relationship. After admitting this to me he claims she is only a friend now.

Christmas eve of 2017 he dumped me, we were back in Chicago with our families. Our relationship was not stable, I became insecure about myself in the relationship. He suggested a three way with his ex (another girl he cheated on his other ex with), told me to watch as he jacked off to girls with larger features that I had. Many things that damaged my confidence. -Christmas eve2017- I kissed and gave head to a boy a few days after our breakup. I was high. But it was no excuse. I dropped connections with this guy I hooked up with. I went back to Iowa with my ex and never told him of my hookup. He asked for me back and I told him yes. He found out a week later what I had done and broke doors in our apartment, threatened me, called me every name in the book, attacked my greatest fears and insecurities. Attacked my friends. I contacted his family because he cut himself over it. I attacked his mother (with words) for attacking me.

I moved out for a month. Through it all I took him back. He begged for another chance. I will admit I was no angel. I slammed doors. I broke glass, as did he. I called him names out of anger and spite.

He told me that under all the anger was live the love that we had for eachother was strong and could get better. I agreed. I moved back in and he became extremely overbearing, he constantly asked me why, looked through my phone any Vance he had. I understand what I did made him insecure and I should give him every right to my phone and answer his questions but he users them against me for hurting him.

Last night I realized something. Every night he plays video games in his room until I fall asleep in my room. Where he then joins me, looks through my phone while I’m asleep, then falls asleep with me in my bed. But he leaves his phone in his room, keeps it as far away from me at all times. This morning before work , while he was asleep, I took the chance to look through his phone. I found that he was talking shit about me to another girl while I wasn’t living with him...but we were still together. They had personal conversations and wanted to learn more about each other. But he stopped talking talking to her when I moved in...I don’t know how I feel about it. I wanna be upset. I just feel heart broken and I don’t know if I should just leave or stay.