I never in a million years thought I’d be at this point in my life. I planned on finishing school, starting a career, settling down with someone, starting a family. Nothing ever goes as planned. I never thought I’d be heartbroken, single, and a mother at 20 years old. I’ve never felt so lonely. I have to figure out how to do this on my own. I’ve got to find a full time job so I can afford to live. Four days. That’s all my fiancé wants to see our son a month. Four days. That’s even more heartbreaking. I don’t know how to be strong. I just keep falling apart over and over and over again. I said Fiancé. I meant ex... Ex fiancé. He’s broken me more times than I can count, yet for some reason, I can’t let him go. I don’t fear being lonely. I’m used to doing everything myself. I fear the instability. I lost my soulmate (or so I thought). I feel like I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. I have no desire to even speak to anyone else. I can hardly sleep, hardly eat. I try not to cry in front of my son, because I can tell he knows. He knows something’s wrong with mommy and it makes him act out. He says it’s my fault that he left. I thought I was doing everything right. I did everything for him, with practically nothing in return. Fuck, I literally feel pain in my chest. My heart is aching.