When I mc last year I had no symptoms. I woke up in the middle of the night in a pool of blood. So now almost 9w, any time I slightly wake up in the night I always reach down to feel if I’m safe. I hope the fear goes away and I can sleep soundly through the night. I want to be able to pee wipe and flush without inspecting the color on the toilet paper. I want to be able to drop my guard and enjoy being pregnant.

I’m mostly okay with the loss, I understand it’s random and there’s nothing we can do to prevent it but it REALLY bothers me when I found out my friend is due when I was supposed to have my baby. That bothers me. This spring/month of May will be rough because that’s when my baby should’ve been born. I look forward to finding out the gender of my current baby this May.