my true feelings

I love you I do.

Its just that when you told me we were done I'm sure a piece of me went with you.

I love you I do

But I hate when you pretend to not want me.

I love you I do

Ive sat awake for three days straight screaming and crying and shaking.

I love you I do

I've cried so much my eyes are swollen and bruised and my throat burns.

I love you I do

But I can't stop picturing another girl in your arms and you

Telling her I was nothing.

I love you I do

My chest is all tight and my hands won't stop shaking and I can't get your voice out of my head

I love you I do

I want you in all your fucked up glory your flaws and your scars and your hatred of your family and your anger and your hurt and your pain.

I love you I do

The pain in my chest reminds me of every fucking kiss every fucking touch every fucking second every fucking minute of every fucking day that I sat with you!

I love you I do

Why can't you tell me that you love me and you miss me why can't you fucking feel how I feel and burn the way I do and I want to tear off every fucking layer of skin that you touched because I'm hurting so fucking bad that I just want to fucking disappear.

I love you I do

I don't know why I'm writing this but I miss you and my body is aching breathing is fucking agony I want to claw at my skin so much that I can't move

I love you I do

I keep thinking about the future that's not got you in it and the love and the life we created this past year has fucking gone and it kills me I'm hurting so bad!!!

I love you I do

Why can't you just tell me you love me and you want me and fucking hold me and take all this fucking pain away because I'm fucking destroying myself without you by my side and its killing me.

I love you I do

Just fucking love me please.... Love me like you used to love me like you say you do. Hold me like you used to and realise what we have. Don't let me go please....