Hi everyone, I apologize in advance for the long ass post LOL. I've been trying to conceive for over 9 years now and I was successful at one point but that was short-lived. I miscarried less than a week after finding out I was pregnant. I've been asked those awkward questions like "when are you going to have children?" "why don't you have a family as yet?" "why are you waiting so long?" "come on you don't want to have kids when you're old right?" or the famous "what's wrong with you, everybody wants kids". it got to a point where I was terrified of running into anyone I knew from my past or any of my mother's friends who are just dying for a little baby to spoil. mind you a lot of these questions were asked innocently but I believed they were also asking insensitively not thinking of how I felt or what I've been going through trying to have a child. I've been called every name you can think of: barren, mule, childless... or the lines like "you'll understand what life is like until you're a mother" or "you never understand what love is like until you have a child" or "wow you don't have a child oh my goodness" and they give me that look as if I am less of a woman. for a long time I believed that I was cursed that I would never have a child that I was barren and that I was definitely less of a woman than all the mothers out there, and it broke my heart more than I could ever explain. I remember for about a couple years every time I would get my period I would break down and cry I remember bargaining with God saying if you would just give me a child I will do anything you want, I remember seeing pregnant people and wondering to myself god what have I done why am I cursed why is it that that can never be me... I remember downloading every app you can think of and doing everything it said to do in order to be fertile and have a child. You see I was told that I would never have children because I had a brain tumour and it was affecting the part of my brain that would allow my body to become pregnant, however I never shared that with anyone because I didn't want sympathy, plus the doctors and I were working on shrinking the tumor so I wanted to keep that to myself. After years and years and many different medications it finally shrunk to a point where I could conceive hence the conception before that led to a miscarriage. after that I was devastated but I wasn't completely hopeless. I haven't been feeling well for the last couple weeks so I decided to go ahead and take a test (against my better judgement though because Lord knows I have spent hundreds on pregnancy test that all came back negative). once I took the test I was so scared to look at the results because I had been let down so many times but I knew I had to look at it so I can at least know.

my very first one wasn't clear to me because it was very faint line so I went and tested with another one from the drugstore and here are my results...

I just want everyone out there who's trying to not give up hope, it will happen for you when the time is right, I don't know when that time is but I do know that when it comes you will be on top of the world and I send baby dust out there to everyone who's trying to conceive, I send love, Comfort sensitivity and understanding to everyone who cannot conceive right now or who has miscarried and I just want to bless everyone out there and thank you guys for this open Forum that always allows us to express ourselves.