I am not strong enough for this. I have suffered from chronic pain for almost 14 years. It's been diagnosed as fibromyalgia. I've had 3 healthy pregnancies, 2 of which have happened since the pain started. I had a wonderful team of doctors that did everything possible to treat me for my pain while pregnant, as well as making sure my babies were ok. That meant taking narcotic pain medication. I understood the risks, and as neither of the pregnancies was planned, the benefits of being able to raise my older child(ren) outweighed them.

I am currently 10w3d with baby #4. This baby was planned. Working with my OB, as well as my PCP, we had a plan in place to help control my pain. Now that I'm actually pregnant, my PCP won't prescribe my medications, none of which are narcotic pain meds, despite the plan we had in place. I have enough of the medicine that controls my pain enough that I can at least get of of bed, to last me 2 more days. I would genuinely rather go through an unmediated, natural labor again, than to have to suffer the pain in my legs and arms without this medicine.

I have tried yoga, massage, physical therapy, meditation. None of it has helped.

I have wanted this baby for 8 years, and now I'm not sure I can keep it. I am not mentally or physically strong enough to endure 8 months of this pain. How do I choose between myself and my baby? What do I tell my older kids when I can't get out of bed and all I do is cry because the pain is so bad? "Oh sorry, I know you need me, but too bad! This baby is more important." How do I face my fiancé everyday for the rest of our lives if I don't have this baby? Knowing I took away his child... the look he gets when he talks about the baby, the change in his voice when he talks to the baby.

I just honestly don't know what to do at this point.