Will my friends hate me for canceling girls trip for IVF??

Question

Quick back story, over the past two and a half years my husband and I have had 7 miscarriages (5 chemical) likely due to Chromosomal abnormalities/crappy eggs. After a lot of thought and soul searching we have decided to move forward with

with PGS. After our last loss, last month we re checked my 3 day blood work and discovered my FSH has increased quite a bit in the last 7 months and is now considered elevated. Besides being beyond depressed about all our losses I am also now extremely concerned that

won’t work because of my FSH levels or that I am running out of time. We have found a wonderful clinic that apparently has good success rates with elevated levels of FSH and is obviously encouraging us to start the process as soon as possible.

Now, my other concern is my 3 (life long) best girl friends have sweetly planned a trip to fly out and visit/stay with me in 2 months. They all live in the Midwest and I live on the West Coast. If my husband and I are going to go forward with the very emotionally draining and (extremely) expensive process of

we both agreed we don’t want to host any visitors during this time to stay as calm and stress free as possible. I should also add that all of my friends have gorgeous children and one is currently pregnant. I am obviously thrilled for her, but would be lying if I said I didn’t cry when I found out. This whole journey is so difficult and has even made me feel like a bit of an outsider with my own friends (to no fault of their own)!

Anyway, now I am faced with a dilemma about asking my friends to reschedule/cancel their trip and I feel awful. I love them dearly and don’t want them to hate me, but also don’t want to put our fertility journey on hold any longer especially when it feels like the clock is ticking. My husband keeps telling me they will understand especially since I am the one always flying to them for wedding showers, weddings, baby showers, etc., but I feel so awful.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Xo

Answer

I would say the close people that love and support you should understand IVF isn’t an easy thing to plan, you have to follow the way things work out. They should be happy you have the opportunity and wish you luck. I would never want one of my close friends to choose a girls trip over making a baby!

Answer

Could you find an air B&B; they can stay at for cheap? That way you can still have some quality time with them but also bow out as needed - I would definitely just be open about it if they are your best friends and explain how IVF is very draining and because it’s so expensive you need to maximize your environment to be as conducive as possible. I am sure they will understand that but instead of canceling the trip entirely, they could still have a girls trip but just slightly less invasive. 
Also- IVF is a lot of hurry up and wait so depending when in your cycle they come, it could actually be nice to have that love and support around. Just the stimming two weeks are intensive but while you are waiting for PGS results, there’s not much to do. Then the FET, you take it easy for a day but are supposed to return to normal activities the next day- it might be nice to have friends to distract you during the TWW. 
Just

Answer

I struggled with this too! I have four siblings that love me and want to visit even when I was in hibernation (like they invite themselves when I'm not wanting to host). infertility and IVF is so challenging and hard - only you and your husband will ever truly understand. Put them off - write a truthful email to them all and hit send then breathe a sigh of relief.

Answer

To be honest, I would let them come visit unless you knew that you were having a retrieval or transfer during that time. My husband and I went through 4 rounds of IVF within a year. Before our first transfer, I flew to visit a college friend. Before the second transfer, we went to Bermuda for a destination wedding. Before the 4th (and successful!) transfer, we flew to Texas for another close friend’s wedding.  While I always followed my doctor’s guidelines, and traveled with his permission, I also felt like I could not put my life on hold during treatments. I would have been so upset to miss these events AND then have an unsuccessful round.  
If you feel like hosting would stress you out, I like the idea of renting an Airbnb. Then you could hopefully come and go as you needed and still get to spend time with friends. Being around friends should relieve stress, which is good during treatments! Best of luck and baby dust.

Answer

I think NOTHING can come between you and life long friends. If they truly love you, they will understand. Especially if they know all the stuff you've been through. Having said that, Delta is very understanding and your friends can probably come see you for a week instead of 2 months. They can go home on standby with the returning ticket at no charge most of the time. My husband's family had a bit of a hard time adjusting. I explained we couldn't have visitors or kids over and we couldn't visit because I couldn't get sick. After spending almost $15,000, I wasn't about to throw it down the drain because I caught a cold. So we put ourselves in quarantine 2 weeks before transfer until 1st beta (2 weeks after) (basically a month). It was hard, but they managed to stay away. If your friends have kids, they're likely to carry something. Although my husband went to work and my teenager went to school, they were very careful (like went straight for showers before hugging me!). Toddlers on the other hand... Can't be that careful! I worked for us. I hope you find something that will make you happy!

Will my friends hate me for canceling girls trip for IVF??

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