Long Vent, Please Read
So recently, my first boyfriend of nearly 3 years and I broke up a few days ago. I want to know what you guys think of the situation. We’ve recently had problems between us, mainly about choices he’s been making, and the choices he was making led him to do something stupid and illegal. That was the point where he decided to break up with me. He said he didn’t want to hurt me anymore and that he thought we needed time to grow as people. I really wanted to stay and help him however because I really cared about him. I knew it was really out of my hands though. At this point I decided to tell his mom what was going on and she was really supportive on my side. My last effort was writing a 3 page letter to him expressing that I still cared about him. A few days later, yesterday, he texted me. He said he wanted me to know he still cared about me and wanted me in his life. Of course that made me really happy and lifted some weight off my heart. We were talking all day, talking about mistakes we made and talking about our ideals. Towards the end of the day, I asked him if he saw us trying again any time in the future, and he said he did. I asked him a risky question, asking if he loved anybody. He told me no, and asked if I did. Of course I told him no, and then he said he felt like a jackass. I asked him why, and he said it was because he was interested in someone. So I guess not technically in love, but it still hurt after having my hopes lifted all day. I asked him if he still wanted to try, and he said yes. Then I asked him why, and he realized it was for the wrong reasons. He only wanted me in his life for sex. He admitted that to me, and I was so angry with him. All day, he had my hopes rising and he crushed them in the worst way possible. It really is my fault for not seeing it sooner. Looking back at the last 3 years, the signs were everywhere that he didn’t really care about me. I do believe he did at one point though. I don’t know when, but I think he did. The first time he ever pushed me to have sex, he realized he messed up and spent an entire night vomiting because he felt bad. At least, that’s what he told me. I forgave him and did whatever I could to make him feel better. He expressed to me yesterday that every time the lust faded after we finished messing around, he felt guilty and like I didn’t actually want to. If he was telling the truth, then I wonder how he was last night. Even though I’m extremely pissed at him, there’s a level of satisfaction from seeing him get what he deserves. That’s a bit cruel on my end, but it’s how I feel. I’ve blocked him on everything that we were ever friends on. What do you ladies think of all this? Do you have any advice for dealing with this?