My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We’ve always had a healthy sex life. Unfortunately he doesn’t last for more than about 15-20 seconds during actual intercourse, but he’s always made sure I am taken care of at least once before the actual sex. I have honestly never minded because my ex was never able to finish and it became exhausting every time we were intimate... so when I started dating my current boyfriend I was happy that it never lasted long enough to dislike it.

My problem now is he is completely disinterested in anything physical. I try and initiate, even just a blowjob, and he will ask me to either stop or not proceed to participate, etc, but will go into another room and send me sexual gifs or a link to porn! I’m in great shape, i take care of myself and lots of pride in my appearance (not that it should ultimately matter, but i know he is not offput by me in any way) We’re obviously very open with each other, we have watched porn together before, but this has been going on for months and months. We do occasionally have sex but it’s so vanilla it’s ridiculous. He’s stopped caring about myself finishing, and it’s almost like he’s in a hurry. If I ask him about it or try to bring it up he totally shuts it down.

How do you guys keep the sexual communication open in a relationship this invested? How do you keep the spark alive for the other person?