Trying to conceive as a lesbian

I posted this in another group but this group seemed more fitting.

I’m trying to have a baby and the difficulty that being a lesbian adds to that makes me resent myself for being gay.

I have never had a problem with my sexual orientation. I was rallying for LBGTQ rights long before I accepted being gay myself. It’s not a sense of shame I feel. It’s more disappointment. There’s so much extra work that goes into having a baby when you’re gay and single. It took so long to find a viable donor, and now that I’ve found one, I have to wait extended periods between times I can attempt to conceive because I’m paying for every drop of sperm I get, so I can’t waste it. I have to track my cycles to a tee so that I’m utilizing the sperm at the exact moments I’m most likely to conceive. I feel as though if I were straight, I’d be able to just constantly have sex with my partner which would relieve some of the stress and heighten my chances of getting pregnant sooner. But no. I have 15,000 more hurdles to jump through to achieve something my body is designed to do.

I am sick and very soon will need a hysterectomy. This is my only shot to have a baby and I feel like being gay is making my dream that much harder to come true. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I do. Some days I feel so defeated I wish I could just turn the gay off, so to speak. But I know in my heart I could never love a man or even be sexually attracted to one. This is just so hard.