Ever since my boyfriend broke up with me, i can’t seem to stop writing these sad depressing paragraphs.

i’ve never really truly loved some one so much but him. he said he needed time to think about things, live life, and actually see what he wants but he’s doing this all while hanging with his two ex girlfriends. i’ve never felt so much betrayal before, he broke my heart but i still want him. I’ve cried for weeks and weeks. I’ve starved myself because i can’t even look at myself anymore without thinking im not beautiful anymore, but here is how i truly feel.

“I just wanted you to know

That I’ll never care

How far you push me away

Because when I told you

That I would stay

I meant it

You’re a little lost

And a little damaged

But you’re not hopeless

I know who you are

I love who you are

And that’s why I’ll stay

So you learn to love

Yourself too.” –Courtney Peppernell

Out of all the poetry I’ve read about broken hearts, I’ve never realized that my love for you will never die. The love I have for you will always be alive inside of me. I just can’t seem to forget all the lies and promises you’ve said to me. What hurts the most is that I won’t ever give up on you, even if it means breaking my heart into more pieces. I didn’t want to lose you ever because I knew you could have easily replace me with anyone. The way you use to make me smile, makes tears prick at my eyes, and then I’m falling to my knees crying for you. “The first time we kissed, the sun was low and the air was cold, and I remember wondering if the earth had become more beautiful or if your cologne was clouding all my insecurities and hidden maybes. When you said my name, you sounded so far away, like the words had been held in for such a long time, and you were calling me home, back to a place I once belonged. I was absolutely scared to want more because the blankets covered our faces, making it hard to see each other. After sharing our love with each other, I can’t see anyone but you. I wanted to know you better, learn to love you in every season. Because all the years I’d been scared about what people may say, you had become all my reasons” You became the reason why I never sleep anymore, because I’m up all night thinking about how I could’ve changed everything between us. “I tried to stop loving, so I built my walls around my heart and found other names to whisper in the night. But you carved yourself into my veins, whether you meant to or not. And sometimes I wonder, if you remember the way we looked at each other, or maybe you just forgot.” God I would have fell so hard for you, if I knew you weren’t going to catch me in the end. I stepped in knowing that it was dangerous for my heart, knowing that my fragile heart was going to get broke again. I felt it. I felt my entire body fill with excitement every time you brushed against me; one touch from you sent me soaring with thoughts of love & intimacy. I craved your love & still do. I felt something beautiful when you looked in my eyes, it was piercing and sharp. It was the look of “I love you” but you failed to show me how much you actually did. You left me broken hearted and I’m trying to pick the pieces up but you, you cloud my mind to the point where it physically makes me cry in the open eye. It’s impossible to heal myself when I still have hope that you actually love me. I still have hope in me that deep down you’re really trying to live life & find what life actually means. Deep down I truly hope you’ll never forget the love I showered you in. I still look at our photos & videos and remember all the fun we had together as a couple. I remember everything as if it was just yesterday with you saying, “I’ll see you tomorrow” and then you’ll kiss my lips and hug me bye. I didn’t know I would be the one giving the last goodbye kiss too you on your cheek. I didn’t know love until I was left crying on my own in bed curled up next to the teddy bear you bought me for Valentine’s Day. I promised you the day we started talking “I’ll never leave you” and that promise isn’t going to be broken by me. As much as this is hard for me to write, I’ll never truly love anyone as much as I loved you & your fragile soul. & then maybe one, just one day you’ll actually realize how much I cared for you. One day maybe everything will be ok, and then our goodbyes will turn into goodnights.