When I was little my parents had very physical forms of discipline. Starting from the time I was very little like five i felt that perfection was expected of me. I was homeschooled and my mom would make me redo assignments till they were perfect. We also had chores that had to be done perfectly every day and sometimes they would take me hours. If I didn't get chores and school done I was not able to do anything- no reading, hanging out with friends, talking on the phone, using electronic devices. I was even made to miss meals as punishment. When I actually did something bad, which , btw means like I said shut up or something, I was either spanked by my mom or put outside--sometimes in forty degree weather-- without shoes or a coat for up to two hours. To this day I have an extremely high sensitivity to heat and the cold doesn't bother me. My parents are extremely conservative and their rules were also super restricting. I had to wear turtlenecks instead of shirts with normal necklines and skirts with thick white tights, even as a child, because it was more modest. I had no friends, no social life. I was never allowed on the internet, or to read things my mom hadn't proofread. When I got older like preteen like nine to thirteen I got in really bad physical/verbal fights with my dad. I'd call him a fucking moron, he'd hit me and ask me how I'd dare not to respect him, and I'd fight. Which would end up getting me more hurt. It never left scars on my body but it left gaps where my family was supposed to be. And my childhood. And friends during those years. I felt extremely isolated for a long time and I had ADHD which just made it worse. I was overwhelmed by everything that was expected of means I had no coping mechanisms so I locked it all up inside. Was i actually abused or could I have not gotten hurt by being better? Following the rules? Are my parents diciplinary methods rly too much? Can I honestly say the words "I was abused as a child?" And how do I deal with those gaps????