So this is a long one..

In April 2016 I found that my partner was texting a girl he worked with, I wasn’t happy about it because she isn’t a nice person, she has broken up two families (now 3) so I told him that I’d rather he didn’t speak to her outside work.. he continued snapchatting her, so I said can you at least text her instead of snapchatting so I can see what you’re saying to her he said okay - snap chats didn’t stop. So again I asked and he deleted snapchat. Then he was texting her but deleted messages, so I did what every psycho girl does and ‘hacked’ his phone and got his text messages and saw that they were texting every night, whilst I was asleep next to him. There was a mixture of things said, casual conversation and talk about sex. I immediately rang him kicking off and he said sorry, I didn’t do anything with her, was just texting etc .. so I packed his things and took them to his mum and dads house whilst he was at work.

He begged and begged me to let him back, nothing physical had happened and he said that he was scared that I was gonna leave him, he struggles to open up to anyone and he felt stupid if he told me how he felt. So i said okay we’ll have a break and see how we’re feeling afterwards.

Now I adore this man, he is my best friend and until this happened we never argued, our relationship was pretty much perfect. Little disagreements about his time management, working too much etc but nothing major.

So after the break we decided to give it another ago and take it slow so I can rebuild trust (December 2016)

More or less 2017 was a good year, it was rocky in the beginning but we’d picked up loads and we were starting to be happy again, but i still didn’t trust him 100% I felt uneasy that he still worked with her but we lived with it.. fast forward to December 2017 it’s their Christmas work party (I could have gone with but I don’t like drinking) he told me he gonna go out because this girl would be there and he knows I wouldn’t be happy about it and it wouldn’t be fair on me. A DAY before the party he tells me he’s going to the party. I practically beg him not to go. I didn’t want him around her and I don’t feel comfortable with him being near her. So he goes to the party and I’m angry, I end up texting him some really horrible and cruel things. He doesn’t reply to me all night and I break up with him on this night out via text. He slept with her that night.

Now I understand he was ‘single’ but it hadn’t 6 hours since we split. He tells me about it the next day. He’s crying and says how he’s sorry and that it’ll never happen again and that he was so angry with me for saying what I did. He was angry that I broke off a 6 year relationship over text and that he’d never seen that side of me. He said he wants me and only me, that she meant nothing. He thought we were over for good, nothing would have happened if I hadn’t broke up with him, saying sorry so many times. He cried so much. He said he understands if I leave him and that he hopes I don’t. That he wants a clean slate and that we can move on. He says he wants to marry me and have children.

He says he feels horrible and that he wishes he never did it, he feels bad for using her and hurting me so much and he never wanted to be ‘that guy’ the guy that hurts someone or uses someone (before her he’d only slept with 2 people his ex and me) and he supposedly valued sex and the meaning of sex.

So a week after he slept with her she starts texting him and he shows me - just offering him lifts to work. He politely says no and then he blocks her number. Then he receives a message from her friend asking if he’d seen her text (I’m at my grandmothers) and he rings me immediately and explains he’s received this message. He then blocks her.

3 months down the line (march 2018) this girl tweets about us saying that my partner is a wanker ‘have fun in your over controlling relationship and don’t come back to me when it goes tits up’ and this hurt me too. I don’t understand why she’s so bothered. They hadn’t spoken for a whole year then slept together. If that was me I’d just think well it was just sex.. and move on.

So basically I feel like a mug for being with him but I love him so much & I know he does love me. I want to try and make it work but I’m scared of being hurt again.

Is he trying to be open and honest with me now?