*possible trigger warning?* I've always been hyperaware and slightly paranoid about sexual abuse.  My mother and her siblings were molested by their father,  and she repeatedly warned me throughout my childhood of this and described her experiences in a way that's made me always extremely nervous about it happening.  Bc of it,  I've always closely watched ppl around children I care about, especially my niece and nephew and now my son. 

Now,  some background on my son's dad. He's a seemingly great father,  he is practically a 50/50 partner in all the work of raising him - changing diapers,  watching him overnight,  feeding,  bathing (and more recently showering with him), and takes him places with him like the store or to family outings.

Last night,  my son's father was putting him to bed (we bedshare) and was laying next to him.  He was asleep for probably about 40 minutes or so.  He didn't seem to realize that the baby monitor was facing right towards him in bed,  as it was hidden behind a pillow (that he had actually placed there - not sure if it was in an effort to cover it but the camera angle still captured his whole body). I saw him start to switch position and move,  stretching his arms and legs.  Then I saw him put his hands down his pants.  No big deal - as he usually sleeps/ lays this way.  Then he started to move his hands,  again not a big deal,  as maybe he was just scratching.  I continued to watch and was a little nervous about it, so after a minute or so,  I went into the bedroom to see about where the baby was and what my son's father was doing,  but didn't see anything overly alarming and he appeared to be asleep.  Went back out into the living room and again watched the monitor for several minutes. My son's father then changed positions and moved his left leg and put his knee up,  and began moving his hands more inside his pants.  I watched the movement,  and it increased in speed,  and I continued watching until I was absolutely sure of what I was seeing and not just imagining things. I watched until I felt downright sick to my stomach,  because I realized he was actually masturbating.  I went into the room and put my hand on his arm and said his name firmly. He immediately got up out of bed and walked ahead of me out of the room.  Then,  while in the living room,  I watched him put his hand in his left pocket of his pants,  hiding his erection.  I watched for several seconds as he tried hiding it,  then reached over and felt it for myself,  and it was completely rock hard.  It was then that I asked "why were you just masturbating in the bedroom!?" And he said what are you talking about, that he was hard bc he just woke up.  I then described what I saw on the baby monitor and he just walked away.  I had to continuously walk behind him and ask him questions,  only for him to say "Idk what you're talking about I was asleep", and he continued avoiding me.  He finally stopped talking altogether and maintained the defense that he was asleep, and had said that he wasn't aware of any touching he was doing.

I don't even know what to think at this point.  He was not only laying in bed with our 9 month old son,  but our son was laying against his body with his feet on his dad's stomach area.  It sickens me to think he's masturbating in the bed next to him,  and what it could mean.