Hating My Body

I’m 18, almost 19 years old and I’ve never felt comfortable in my own skin. I’ve never felt beautiful, theres not a day that goes by where I don’t hate myself. Sometimes I can’t even look in the mirror because I can’t stand what I look like. I’m a little on the heavier side, but not too much. I’ve already lost almost 50 lbs and i plan on losing more but it’s still so hard to love myself. My boyfriend loves every inch of me and to him I am the most beautiful girl on the planet, but I can’t believe him. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship before him for 2 years and it destroyed me and brought me even lower than i already was. It’s been very hard to pick myself up from that and its been like 3 or 4 years. I feel like everything about me is just too big. My breasts are big, but aren’t perky and I HATE them more than anything. I hate my stomach area and my inner thighs and my arms and back and my face too. I have stretch marks on my hips, thighs, stomach, butt, and breasts. I also had many cysts around my inner thighs and on my labia majora when i was younger and now i have scars there and it makes me feel disgusting. My clitoris and labia minora are small and it makes me feel abnormal because I know my vagina doesn’t look normal and like what most people have. My whole life i was bullied by my peers and family members for being bigger and ugly. Even after losing 50 lbs, I’m told it’s not enough and that i could do better. Sometimes I can’t go out or even watch movies and shows without comparing myself to beautiful women and feeling absolutely horrible about myself. I wish I could learn to stop hating myself, it’s so hard. I wish I could be beautiful and confident, but I feel like I’ll never be content with myself.