Transsexual/pegging porn (loooong post)

So a while back in January my fiancé of two and half years said he was staying over at friends to help supervise their little sister while she had a bonfire with some friends.the entire night he doesn’t answer my texts or calls and a little after midnight he calls me, drunk as hell saying he was at a bar.

Anyway after I pick him up and as he’s passed out on our bed, I go through his phone to save a few of his friends numbers just in case this were to happen again and I couldn’t get ahold of him.

For some reason I decided to be a nosy bitch and went through his internet history ( to be fair he likes to save pictures of naked porn stars to his phone and I for some reason got curious to see what else he looks at. He used to do the same to me all the time, going through my phone and internet history) I open his browser and in his history is like twenty pages of Craigslist personals, half are ‘women for male’ ads and the others are ‘tranny for male’ ads. On top of that, as I scrolled furthering into his history, there’s all these tabs of transsexual porn and pegging videos. He’s even went on websites looking at pegging equipment. The time stamp on this said he did it the night before around midnight, when I was definitely up with our particularly fussy daughter, feeding her every hour and trying to get her to bed. He had ‘gone downstairs to sleep on the couch’ since we were taking up the bed. He had also gone on pornhub after visiting Craigslist.

I wake his drunk ass up, afraid that’s he’s cheating me to which he denies heavily and just says he was curious. ‘It’s interesting. Like are they a girl or a guy?’ Keep in mind all I had said to him was about the Craigslist ads, not the content and he immediately jumps to saying transsexuals are just so darn interesting. Now I myself can understand curiosity. I have some questionable porn categories I watch every now and then. I’ve been curious about Craigslist too but that many tabs?

Also about two years ago (late 2016, ten months into the relationship) I had gone through his email, thinking it was mine (we were both logged in. His was the primary) and a few years back (2014, before we were together) he was emailing dudes about their ‘bicurious’ Craigslist ads, saying he was interested. He doesn’t know I saw those as I have never brought it up.

The next morning he laughs and says I probably shouldnt interrogate someone when they’re drunk. That makes me think there’s more to it but it’s been about two months since this has happened and if I even try to bring it up, he gets mad and says I don’t trust him so I feel like I’m just beating a dead horse and making him upset.

Should I be worried? I know he loves me. He tells me he couldn’t imagine not being with me and he wants to grow old with me. Im. It necessarily worried about him being bi but more of what if the desire to be with someone else gets too much and he does cheat. I’m bi myself and I know he worries too but I never would even think about leaving him for someone else so in that I know it’d probably be the same for him.

He also talks about doing anal way too much. It started off as an obvious joke but now I’m not so sure. If I try to talk to him about it he gets defensive. He used to be extremely homophobic but since being with me he’s much more accepting and I’ve Heard so many times the the ones who are homophobic usually are the ones in the closet.

Like I said, should I be worried or just leave it alone? Should I try talking about it with him, let him know I’m not going to judge him? We have a four month old that I know he absolutely adores and it scares me that I might have to take care of her alone if he becomes unhappy. Not to mention he’s the love of my life, my best friend, and my first serious relationship.

UPDATE #1:

I was going to being it up to him last night when we both got off work, but we ended up getting into a fight and he brought up a really good point. I always assume the worst. I always assume that he’s lying to me.

Last week after I had taken our daughter over to his step moms and went to work, she later texted me saying he had told them he had to work overtime so he wasn’t going to be able to pick her up until 5:30.

Thing is, he didn’t have to work at all. I had brought her over so he could take a nap and get some alone time. He was going to pick her up at 3. I automatically assumed he had lied to his dad so he could hang out with his friends. Turns out, or at least this is what he tells me, he had a really bad headache from not eating all day. It’s happened before but of course I didn’t believe him. He could be been telling me the truth but I never believe him because I see how easy it is for him to lie to his family and mine. How quickly he can think of an elaborate story and lie right to someone’s face.

He recently quit smoking but I still give him crap about how I hope he’s not using any change I give him to buy cigarettes. I should really just believe that if he’s gone this long without a cigarette, he’s not going back to them. I should trust him and have faith otherwise he’ll feel like he doesn’t have my support and he will pick up smoking again.

Last night he told me how everyone always assumes the worst of him and it hurts the most that I always seem to find something wrong or I blame him for something he didn’t even do.

That’s why I’m not going to bring any of this crap up. There’s really no point. If he is questioning his sexuality or watching ‘weird’ porn I don’t care anymore. He’s with me now and that’s all that matters. I’ve watched some of the same stuff he has and I wouldn’t want him to think it honestly meant anything because it doesnt. I don’t want to wear latex or get into hardcore bdsm. It’s just porn.

Sure I’m curious if he’s the same way or if this really is an interest of his but there’s no point. I know he loves me. He tells me all the time how hes so happy to have met me, that his mother would love me if she was still alive. He used to be such a bad person, a violent angry person after his mom and brother passed but I’ve helped him stay out of trouble.

I know I need to stop doing things like this and assuming something else is going on. My own irrational insecurities are going to ruin our relationship. He loves us and I need to trust him when he says he only wants to be with me and have a family with me.

I appreciate all the advise but there’s one thing we all need to remember, you don’t know him how I know him. You just know this little snippet of a story I shared. I’m not going to trick him into cheating. If he hadn’t took the bait and he found out it was me, it’d be my fault the relationship ended and that would get us no where good. When he had gone on Craigslist and answered ads it was before we were even together so it’s in the past.

I’m not going to try pegging with him or letting him do anal on me.

Maybe if I’ve had enough wine.

But I’ll be honest,my curious ass is gonna bring it up at some point so look for an update on that. Heck, I’ll probably ask him tonight because we’re supposed to drink and watch Ghost Adventures and we have some interesting deep conversations under the influence.

👍