Crushed...

Stella
So my Beta today confirmed it... I’m no longer pregnant!!! Or was i ever?! 😢 From 18.1 dropped to 4 and no bleeding of any kind...
My heart sank when I saw the numbers and as I’m sharing still tears running down my face why couldn’t my baby stay???
Strength is all we have at this point, bc it doesn’t matter how many times we fail, how our emotions are crushed or how terrified we are to needles!!! We keep going over and over again until we can hold our babies....
As soon as I got out of the dr’s office I prayed to God and asked: “God if in any way my baby is unhealthy make him  let go as I cannot handle that pain...” I guess I should be thankful and get ready for my next round... But today I’m just angry, sad and heartbroken! 
Tomorrow I’ll be prepared to dry my tears and get ready for what’s coming next. I’ll always pray for a healthy baby for all of us, for God to give us strength to bear our losses, for our mind to give us confidence that we will be mothers at the right time, for understanding we are not the only ones who suffer but also our husbands are as emotionally invested, to be appreciative of how supportive our partner is and how the relationship has grown throughout this struggle, to that friend who’s crying at this exact moment to have lost as you have... Amen!