I am sooo mad at you! You chose drugs and now I am left with the aftermath of your death. 12 YEARS, one high school graduation, one husband and three children later, I am left to deal with you no longer being here to make me laugh.

You left me at the most impressionable time in my life. I was depressed through most of middle and all of my high school years from losing MY BEST FRIEND.

All these years later, I’m left to deal with the nightmares, the crying, the pain YOU left behind.

All these years later, I’m left picking up the pieces of our parents. I’m left behind dealing with the emotional aftermath of how you left our family. And without you to go through it with me. Without your shoulder to cry on or your smile to brighten my day. You left me all alone.

All because of your selfish, stupid decision. You knew how hard it was being torn between mom and dad. You were depressed from it too.. but you left me to go through it all alone.

I wish I would’ve known how much you were suffering to turn to drugs. I knew you were drinking but you PROMISED me you weren’t using drugs. I am so mad at you for that.

AS MAD AS I AM, I STILL WISH YOU WOULD COME BACK EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I still cry a lot of nights, when I’m alone and my children are sleeping.

Sometimes I just tell my husband all my memories of you. How protective you were of me. I tell him about our slip n slide, when all the neighbor kids would come play in the yard with us. I tell him about how you snuck me candy once when I was in time out after dad said I couldn’t have it because I was crying and you hated seeing me sad. I tell him about your baseball games I used to go watch, hide and seek when you were babysitting me.

I miss you so much 😔

I just wish I would’ve been able to help you... I’ll never stop blaming myself.