I’m in a bit of a confusing situation and I’m really not sure what I want to do.

My ex and I broke up probably under a month ago, he said he doesn’t have time due to work and although I didn’t want to break up I respected it and we’ve stayed friends, however we have had talks of friends with benefits. I think he still has feelings for me and I know he cares about me even if he one of the most emotionless people I’ve ever met and he hasn’t been the same for a while (he isn’t one who will tell you what’s wrong) a switch in him as flicked and he is worse than before, I’ve tried to get stuff out of him like feelings wise etc and he just doesn’t give in and just gets a little pissy and when I tell him that I’m there for him he just goes “alright” he’s the kinda man who doesn’t want to let admit he’s soft inside.

I’m absolutely adore him as a partner and as a friend and we definitely we were pretty special well I thought so , I can trust him with everything and have told him about my depression etc and he’s been understanding.

Anyway on to my little problem, we were long distance (hence the not having time and all) I’m in love with the guy and I don’t know how he feels, I know he isn’t talking to anyone else but I’ve always been a little jealous and worried but anyway, we’ve had dirty chats etc and talked about friends with benefits and well have come up with a date to see eachother Sunday to Monday (I’ll be driving down to him as he’s still got some of my stuff at his place) I really want to see him and we’ve had pretty dirty conversations but we are both virgins although together for 6 months we never had sex and now we both want it.

My problem is that I really want to go down and I know I trust him not to hurt me and I’ll be going down to basically just to have sex with him but I want to , and I don’t know if I’m stressing because of the drive (I’ve always been on the train)

Or I’m worried that it’ll be awkward because I haven’t seen him for two months or we’ll instantly be all eachother and it’ll be the same. He says he doesn’t want a relationship but part of me going down is to get us like we were before and hope that he’ll open his heart to me and we’ll be perfect.

I mean I’ll probably go down even if I end up sleeping on his sofa and we don’t have sex as I’d love to see him and he said he wouldn’t rule us out for being in a relationship again but yeah I’m a little stuck as I am worried if I don’t sleep with him he’ll hate me (I mean he never did when we were in a relationship but as well as getting my stuff that’s the only reason I’m going down)

, has anyone been in a similar situation?