This post is for people like me who struggle with severe depression and anxiety. I say this because I am tired of people who don't know what that's like telling me "everything is going to be okay". Today I am 11 weeks pregnant and I've been having fluctuating thoughts of "Why did I do this to myself?" "What was I thinking?" "Am I going to be able to bond with a baby?" "Am I selfless enough to take care of a child?" "I wish I never did this".

I am really scared. Here's a bit of background on me. I was adopted by parents that had already raised kids and become grandparents by the time I born. There was a serious lack of bonding or love. I "should have been grateful I had a roof over [my] head, clean clothes, 3 meals a day..." I left that family before I even graduated high school due to too many personal details to go in to, and never looked back. Now, at 30 I am happily married with 3 fur babies, a house, a job, but the depression I started to feel before the age of 7 only ever grew to become a major crutch, one that has almost cost me my life multiple times.

Needless to say, I developed some serious fears of abandonment and I often lack the ability to truly bond with most people. I seek regular mental health care, biweekly which has been a blessing. I was warned that pregnancy might start to unravel my hard work and bring up suppressed emotions but I did not expect it this early. I seriously wish I could change things...(I know abortion exists, but for my husband and I who planned this pregnancy, that is 100% not an option.) I'm so scared that I'll be a horrible parent, not like abusive or like feeding the kid junk food all the time. I mean like disconnecting and being unable to bond. Like wanting to give it away. Like crying everyday from fear and stress. What if I shake it because it won't stop crying? What if I never want to hold it?

As you can see, my emotions are out of control. When do I stop feeling thus way? Does it ever get better?

baby hair gels?