Because i had a history of self harm - 3 years recovered - i realised i'm using sex as the substitute to getting what i want then feeling better about myself. The path of self harm was never something i had that secondhand coping mechanism with, it was just something that was scared out of me (long story) so to have my way with someone makes me feel whole for however long i need a second charge. This isn't something i'm like, "Oh poor me" i'm literally just using this moment as some kind of confessional booth.