Starving.

I've been struggling for the last two months over starving myself and eating nothing more than maybe a few crackers a day and drinking water. Idk. not eating makes me feel better. more powerful. more beautiful. like as if my flaws will matter less cause at least then I'm not a fat piece of shit. I've lost 15 pounds in a month. I lie. about what and how much I eat. my boyfriend doesn't get it. him and his sister are the only people to notice. clearly I haven't changed that much if nobody else noticed. I'm empty. I'm drowning in stress and anxiety or I feel nothing at all. some days life doesn't even feel real. my clothes don't fit. my rings are falling off. I gained two pounds back. but idk. now I just want them back gone.