I really just need to ask the actual question. Sympathetic friends/family members always tip-toe around THIS part of the conversation - I understand, they don't want to impose or make assumptions. Truth be told, it's damn near impossible to answer this question properly with so little context; I feel like an asshole for even posting this. It's not even like I want to be told what to do... it's just... I'm so conflicted. And frustrated. I've been fraught with anxiety and depression for months now, and I feel I'm no closer to an answer. So here it is:

My bf and I have had a rocky road. There's a LOT of backstory. But there was a period of time, despite all the hardships, that we had a fucking great relationship. I loved him to NO END. I wanted to marry him. Something happened. Something CHANGED; our relationship has deteriorated significantly over the last 3 months, and now I don't know what to do. Since we moved in together (about 3 months ago) he's.....

- unexpectedly quit a job and took A MONTH to get a new one, meanwhile I'm saddled with all the bills (my entire savings was depleted; he is still paying me back for the rent)

- neglecting his share of the housework, even though I only ask him to a few VITAL things: dishes, some laundry (towels), flushing the septic tank when I can't (we live in an RV). The only reason I even ask him to do this shit is because I work 9-12 hours a day, sometimes 6 days a week.

- consistently giving up shifts at his new job and won't take on any extra hours. The thing is, we really need the money (hence I work 50+ hour weeks). HE especially needs the money: he owes me money, he owes the court money (probation fee for a DUI), and we are trying to save up to move. That's why we live in an RV. And that leads me to my biggest concern: I don't know if I want to move out of state with him behaving this way. I have no fucking clue if he truly wants the same kind of life I do, because the life I want is neither normal nor easy. But if he does want that kind of life with me (he says he does, but his actions indicate otherwise), I surely don't see him putting forth the effort I believe necessary. The thing is, I've made a lot of mistakes in our relationship, but I'm making a lot of sacrifices for the two of us. A LOT. And I'm not exaggerating. I have to drive him everywhere he needs to go (he doesn't have a license anymore thanks to DUI). He's finally paying his share of the rent, but I'm still footing the groceries and the amenities. But most importantly, the biggest sacrifice I make, I haven't moved yet. He can't leave the state quite yet, so I have literally put my entire life on hold so he and I can be together. I am miserable here, but I was willing to sacrifice up to A YEAR for him. And it's like he doesn't appreciate it - doesn't seem like it, anyway. He says he does, but I feel like if he really appreciates me the way he says he does I wouldn't have to beg for his help, I would see him working harder to pay me back and save more money, and I wouldn't feel so alone all the time. I don't feel like I have a partner. And it breaks my heart. I love him so much, and every time I want to throw in the towel I think of the bright and happy future I was once convinced we had in store for us. We've come so far and endured so much - we've fallen and rebuilt ourselves - how can I just throw that all away? He used to make me so happy, couldn't he do it again? Don't we still have a chance? I know he loves me. I still see it in his eyes and I feel it when he holds me at night. He can't stand it if we don't kiss goodbye in the morning. He gives me long hugs when I'm cold and he strokes my hair when I'm upset. He's not a bad or manipulative person. I know he isn't, and I'm being objective here. He really is a sweetheart. But he's hurting me, nonetheless. I've been so sad for so long... I'm crushed by the weight of this predicament. Should I break up with my boyfriend? That's the million-dollar question. See, the thing is, I feel like I want to. This is just too fucking hard and unhealthy. I'm giving up too much and getting too little. But I can't do it! I just fucking can't. I can't hurt him like this again. I love him so much I still believe he'll change. I can't let go of "things will get better" because what if they ACTUALLY DO?! What IF he and I could work through this? Isn't there hope? Please.... what do I do? What would you do? I need some help and I don't have anyone. 😖