After my boyfriend died.
When I was 17 I met up with a guy I went to school with, he was so shy & sweet. We started hanging out every single day & just after a few weeks, we were head over heels for each other. I know people will say “you were only 17” blah blah blah. Our love to me was so real. He was the first guy I ever let meet my family, the first guy I ever fell in love with & my first real relationship. Fast forward a month and a half I find myself in trouble with my parents & they move me to Florida with my aunt. Our last night was perfect together, we hung out with my family, drove around in his car, and watched a movie together. Before he left, he didn’t have anything for me to keep so he literally gave me the shirt he was wearing. Yes, I still have it. Once I moved to Florida, it was really hard for me to make new friends. Being a new girl in a huge high school hundreds of miles away was not easy. So I talked to my aunt & uncle about letting my boyfriend move in with us, to which they agreed because they felt it would benefit me. At this point it’s the middle of September & they say he can move in the weekend of November 3rd. He asks his mom what she thinks (hes 18 but has a close relationship with her.) and she looked at him & said, “you really love her, don’t you? If I had the opportunity to do something like that, I would.” Were so excited to start our lives together, to help each other grow & prosper. He taught me & showed me new things, new feelings. I was so deeply in love. Two weeks later, October 5th, I’m snap chatting him, showing off my cute outfit. I get a picture of him saying “looks good, baby.” I never knew it would be the last one. It’s 9 at night on a Sunday & im lying in bed waiting for a text back from him. Instead his friend messages me asking if he can call me. It’s an emergency. He tells me there’s been an accident, there’s nothing they could do. He’s gone. At first I’m thinking this is some sort of joke. It wasn’t. I just start screaming, but I can’t hear anything, everything goes dark, I feel the whole world enclosing in on me. Suffocating every part of me. I finally get some sleep but wake up to articles in the news (he was very loved by our small community.) hundreds of messages, phone calls. I’m so overwhelmed. How is this real? I go two weeks without eating, months & months of crying. Well, in between those months, I fall pregnant. It’s something I’ve always felt so bad about because it was two and a half months after he passed away.. everyone hated me so fucking much for it.. his mom even quit talking to me. I wasn’t invited to events anymore that were to remember him.. it kills me from time to time & I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about it. 3, almost 4 years have passed but I still think about him all the time. I don’t ever regret my son. But I needed to get that off my chest because it’s something that’s been extremely heavy on my heart. thank you to those who’ve made it this far.