VENT**

I just have this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’ll never know what it feels like to see two pink lines or feel a baby grow. I don’t usually let me anxiety beat me but after two years of trying and everyone we know and see getting pregnant on purpose or by accident has definitely made it harder to fight that feeling of hopelessness. Usually I can push it down but just for tonight I think I’m going to let it win and grieve what could have been.

I’m not ready to give up by any means I want it more than anything but it’s taken a tole.

I have so much love and respect and compassion for all the women I see on here who have lost a baby or have been trying for two months to 8 years.

A negative test always hurts no matter where you are in your journey.

Tomorrow I will go back to being happy for all the little lives I see people growing and all the happy families who are getting a BFP This month because those people deserve to be happy too.

But tonight I’m going to let it hurt.

Praying for everyone else and your families who are in this endless black tunnel of infertility and I hope and pray with everything I have that you all get everything you are hoping for!

Thanks for reading and thank you for the support. I just needed to let it out to other women who can understand. I told my husband and it hurts him too but he can only see it from the outside looking in.