I suppose CD2 now as af showed a lowly yesterday at 3 days late. Bbt went from 98.5F to yesterday at 97.4! Everyone in my personal life tried to tell me maybe it was just spotting and fluke. But, bbt this morning was 97.7F and blood picked up to a constant light flow! Sadly, we didn’t make a baby again! We tracked everything and times things right. And not in a demanding way. We love each other and enjoyed love making. I really bought we had made a baby though as I didn’t have crazy symptoms. Yes, you read that correctly, I did not have symptoms badly. For over a year after O my breast will get heavy and enlarge and I even get blue veins and darker areoles. But, this time they didn’t really start to hurt until day before af was due. I didn’t have any af cramping at all. I had lower back pain and centralized cramping. Even felt some girdle pains. Having had a child I do remember what that feels like.

But, into yet another cycle. Wishing and praying that I can switch to the other hospital and group of doctors in my town. As where I go now may be a world renounced hospital for certain things. But, when it comes to women’s health and maternal medic be they lack. I have been told by them for almost 2 years that if you bleed even just one day, no matter what part of the month, it is always a period! Which we all know is not true. Okay that’s as the go office saying all that. Maternal medicine only will talk to you if you are pregnant. But, yes, for a year if you bleed a day even spotting that’s your period.sorry, this is long. I am quite in the depressed side today. Feeling sadness, and misdirected jealousy where seeing those who don’t care and just blink and get pregnant always seem to have kids. Yet, myself, whom has done crap in my past, has cleaned up my life. Had my first when Iw as married and we were working. I had a kidney and pancreas transplant 3 years ago, and now I am healthy. No longer burdened with diabetes(was diagnosed at age 10), no longer suffering end stage Renal disease.

My own sister is kissed at me bc I asked her. She is very religious, why does god hate me and won’t allow us a second child? I know many don’t get a first, I am super great ful for my daughter as she was a miracle as well, but when your transplant team and endocrine team tells you, you have the go ahead and they don’t see any issues with you getting pregnant. You tend to tell you will do it.

Okay, sorry, I am done now