Just a little hope is all I want

Tired of hopefully getting a positive this month or the month after when af shows up, started trying June of last year and after 4 months we got pregnant that ended in a miscarriage the day before thanksgiving, there wasn’t supposed to be a baby there it was just supposed to be a sac, there came out a baby at 7 weeks gestation and I lost it, I cried for days, I’m now fighting horrible anxiety, 5 weeks later I started hemorrhaging at work and had to go in for emergency surgery for a d&c; because not everything passed, I was half dead when I got to the hospital, all these family and friend pregnancy announcements around me, I’m happy for them but I hurt too, next month I’m going to give up tracking if it doesn’t happen this month, in person I can see the faintest line and I’m not cramping at all like I normally do a week before AF I’m 8dpo and hoping I’m not imagining that it’s there I can see it more in person and I know it’s still early