So after almost a year and half of TTC, a miscarriage, constant reminder of my age and all the barriers, the comments about “well at least you have a child” ( he’s 11) and one failed <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a>, I can’t help to not feel that this is completely hopeless. I have so much love to give and want so much to have a child. Is the fact that i want this so bad the reason it’s not happening. Every sign ,every cramp every symptom I google to see if it leads me one step closer to a pregnancy. Over 30 pee tests all resulting in a BFN. I track every day, our intimate moments, every ache every emotion and each month I am greeted with AF and she’s always here with a vengeance. Many tears and many moments wondering what is wrong with me. I used to find comfort when some one says God has it all planned and to have faith but I just want to know, as I approach 41, is this door closed. So I can move on. I put myself on the waiting list for <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> but deep down inside , it doesn’t feel like the right thing.