My son is 4 months old and I have been struggling to adjust to motherhood. I have depression that comes and goes and I don’t even know who I am anymore . My husband still gets to do what he enjoys and I don’t get to do the things that I enjoy anymore, because I don’t have time. I feel so lonely/alone..I don’t have a relationship with my mom and I don’t really have any friends. My husband works shift work so it makes things even harder sometimes. I literally just feel like I’m going through the motions . I’m exhausted all of the time and I feel like I’m just in my body if that makes sense..I don’t know who I am. I work full time with a long commute to and from work . Counseling is out of the question because my job isn’t flexible and I can’t constantly leave for appts ..i don’t get a lunch break outside of work and have to eat at my desk (only 30mins) so going at lunch time is not possible. I’m just so emotional , my anxiety is horrible and I’m hoping that this will pass. I miss things that I loved and used to be able to do. I am forgetting things (unlike me) and I can’t focus. My husband knows about me being depressed but most of the time I just hide how I feel with a smile on my face, although I’m breaking inside .I love my son dearly and he is my world but I don’t know why I’m having so much trouble . I don’t feel close to my husband anymore and I feel like I’m not needed, loved or wanted . I have even contemplated divorce because I feel like my husband can do better than me . I look at other moms and they seem to have it all together ..they are happy and smiling and it seems like they love motherhood and life . I want to be like that.