My daughter is now 14, but I want to share my story, because it was hard, and I hope that it can give other Mamas strength! (Sorry this will be long).

I was just 19 when I found out I was going to be a mom. I had graduated high school 8 months earlier, and been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years, so I at least felt somewhat secured in that, and the fact that our families were so excited.

Lilly was due on October 26, 2003 and from the minute I found out I said, "I don't want a Halloween baby!" She had other plans. Once I got to 38 weeks I tried everything to induce labor. I even spent 3 hours on the hay ride at the pumpkin patch! Nothing was working. I woke up the morning of October 30th and just didn't feel right. I asked my boyfriend to stay home from work, which he did. Around noon a friend came over to visit and I really wanted a milkshake. They went to Baskin Robins for me, and about 10 minutes after I finished my shake, I threw every bit of it up.

At 1:26pm I had my first contraction. Being overdue we immediately started timing them. By about 5:30pm we went to the hospital because they were 4 minutes apart. They got me into a room and checked me, only to find I was at

.5cm. They said they would monitor me for a bit, but if I didn't dilate more, they would send me home. By 10:30pm my contractions were 3 minutes from start to finish and only about 90 second until the next one started. I was miserable, but unfortunately still only dilated to

.5. They gave me a shot of Demerol and sent me home saying they would see me probably in 4-5 days. I was crying so much. I was scared and in so much pain (the Demerol did NOTHING).

We got home around 11pm and I tried to get to sleep. My boyfriend went down to his moms room (we were living with her) and cried because he didn't know how to help me, and I was apparently "wailing like a banshee". We were laying in bed and at 12:30am on Halloween my water broke. He asked if I was sure I hadn't just peed, because he was tired and wanted to sleep. "I DIDN'T FUCKING PEE, I NEED GO TO THE HOSPITAL!"

I remember trying to be quiet on the drive back to the hospital, but it hurt so much. By the time they got me hooked up to the machines my contractions were 4 minutes long and less than 30 seconds before the next one started, and they were topping out on the machine. It was around 1:30am at his point. The nurse was kind of a bitch and was very rude in telling me I couldn't have anything for pain unless I was at 3cm, which she highly doubted since I had only been .5 a couple hours earlier. I was at 5.5cm! I wanted an epidural so bad, but the anesthesiologist was in surgery, and since it was a small hospital, he was the only one there and I would have to wait.

I don't remember a lot of what happened next, I was in so much pain that I actually blacked out a couple times. They came in at about 2:30am and checked me and I was at 7.5cm, but the anesthesiologist was still in surgery. The nurse said as soon as he was available he would be there, but then I heard her whisper to my mom that I was too far dilated to get an epidural unless it became and emergency c-section situation. I was so out of it I couldn't think to ask why. At 3:15am they came in to check me again, because I was complaining of pressure. I was at 10cm and she was trying to come! They got the doctor in there and I started pushing. Apparently she asked if it was ok to do an episiotomy, and I said yes, but I don't remember her asking or giving me a numbing shot before she cut. I actually didn't know until she was giving me stitches afterwards!! I pushed for about 10 minutes at 3:34am on October 31, I had my Halloween baby. 7lb 15oz, 20 inches.

I share this now because I want to let the mommies to be know that no matter how scared you may be, how hard it is, how much it hurts... BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! My whole pregnancy I was scared of labor, that I wouldn't be strong enough to handle it, and in the end I managed to do it natural (although definitely not by choice!) I'm currently expecting baby #4, and even though labor still scares me, I know I can do it!

I don't have any of her baby pictures on my phone, but here's my oldest baby!