I am 7 weeks close to 8 and this is my fourth baby. Usually I am aaalllllll about being up and about with my kids. Yes, I am that mom that gets deep in imagination with the kiddos, plays with toys constantly, invents new and interesting, stimulating activities and even am the adult that plays with all the kids at parties or play dates. This is even one of the reasons we decided on a fourth because I just love kids and being a mom. This week however my energy has plummeted and nausea is highly noticeable with very little food options. I find myself losing my patience a lot because I cannot find stillness within myself. I am either crashing with sleepiness in between or during activities, or feeling so ill I can get dizzy. I would say that I am still doing pretty well overall in maintaining some regular activity with my kids although I am struggling with many new things. My hubby goes to work pretty much all day Monday to Friday and when he comes home around 630pm I already have dinner made and the kids are fed and I am totally crashing leaving barely any time to spend with him at all. We are a very close couple and talk about our day at night and try to spend some quality time with each other once the kids are in bed. That is now totally out the window. I know that I have to make adjustments for my changing body and so I am still mentally adjusting. Recently we have been planning a birthday party for one of my kids coming up this weekend. I’m sure you will know all of the house preparations that come along with planning a party in your home. We love to throw big and fun events for the family and are known to host very entertaining parties for both adults and kids. I have to admit there is a lot of work to be done in the house as always. I have also been slacking with the cleaning and organizing side of things. My husband and parents have been great with helping out in this area. However this also means that I am with the kids 100% of the time and has now increased my demands by a lot. This in turn is making me run out of energy in no time. I feel so guilty to admit that I am giving them so much less than they deserve and it’s making me feel horrible. I get angry about the silliest things. I’m angry that everyone’s focus is now on this party and me and the kids are basically plowing through the day. I asked my husband and my parents if we could take the kids out this weekend to do something with the family and spend some quality time together but since there is such limited time to prepare I was told that that was not a good idea and so again another reason to feel bad and I gradually become more introverted. I literally feel like all I have been doing is snapping at the kids and keeping them indoors because I have no energy to take them out by myself. I tried to take them out yesterday to their favorite breakfast spot and had to leave in the middle of the meal because I felt like I was going to puke all over the table. I’m feeling like I am in uncharted territory because this is not how I am at all. In any given situation I can almost always become the captain of my ship and steer it in any direction I want to go with ease. I know that I may have to make some changes and also validate my own feelings to stay mentally healthy but things are piling up one on top of each other and I cannot keep up with my demands lately let alone make time to relax and acknowledge how I feel. Writing this post is one of the few times I can actually sit down and say what’s inside. Imagine me trying to explain all of this to my kids lol although I do ask them to have patience with me because the tiny baby in my belly is another person I am also trying to take care of simultaneously. One of the things that is really eating at me is that I miss my partner. He is literally the best. He never judges me and always listens. He always knows what to say or at times not to say anything at all. He always steps in at the right moment and can ease my mind by just connecting with me. I barely see him at all these days and I know that soon it will change again but this week has really taken a toll on me. For those of you that have read this post all the way to the end thank you for taking the time to share in my feelings and help me to acknowledge what I have going on. I know some of you can relate and and wondering what are some daily practices that you do that can help you stay in check and present? I know the journey is tough whether this is your first or10th child (totally feel like I am mentally maxed out at four by the way lol) but share with me some of your practices that bring you stillness or peace in times when you feel like it’s hard to grasp on any moment.

Thank you 🙏🏼