I don't wanna stay in a marriage just for my kids but the way I feel right now, it's like that's why we're together.

My husband is an amazing father, attentive, supportive and loving. He met me with 3 kids from a previous marriage and he took us all in, made me his wife and become the father my kids never had..but he's becoming a lousy husband.

Now,.I'm not here to bash him in any way, I just need advice on how to do this marriage thing, I'm sure I love him to death but is love enough??

The past couple months have been kinda hectic, he's working a new job, overnight, so he's tired a lot and our fun times together have grown few and far between, we've spoken about it and nothing has changed really but I'm more understanding now and it's ok but lately he's very short with me and we're always at a horrible place, where we're not talking, for days.

It's too much to post really but I'd share what happened this morning and some of yesterday. This morning, I'm getting the kids up for school, while they're having breakfast, I laid down for a few minutes and my daughter was saying something to me but I was in and out of sleep so I didn't fully understand her..he repeated a couple times then said "you stupid or deaf?" And I said "was that even necessary?" Well who told me to say that? He started going off about we're gonna do that again today (bcuz he's been insulting me like crazy lately) yesterday I told him to stop a few times but he keeps saying he's joking.

Now, I can take a joke, we joke around all the time but never intentionally try to hurt feelings, so I expected him to chill when he realised I didn't like what he's saying, instead he got angry.

Anyway, he got out of bed, going on and on about that's why he's always quiet bcuz he can't talk to me, I'm always bitching about things he says and so on.

Honestly, I didn't answer, I let him carry on because there's no understanding coming from him at that point. I know he wouldn't like it if I said mean things to him because I've done a little test of my own and if I answer him too roughly, he's immediately on guard but expects me to just take whatever he dishes out.

So, he's been avoiding me all day, when I tried talking to him, I get grunts and sometimes nothing., I'm getting used to this but I don't like it. He'd be mad for a couple days and I'd continue trying to fix it like it's my fault because he always blames me. I know I'm not perfect but I have standards and that is I want respect as I give it in my relationships.

I don't know what to do, I feel like I need a break from this marriage, I feel like I need to just go away for the entire summer, to reevaluate our relationship, to figure out if I really wanna deal with this the rest of my life...I'm starting to forget why I love him in the first place 😒😞

I'm lost and I'm gonna talk to him about it but I don't want to wait until he gets off his high horse to do it but if I talk now, he'll say I'm the one that's mad and he's fine and I'm making a big deal out of nothing, then nothing gets solved. Again, it'll be my fault and we'd be here again...soon. Fucking dumb timing for shit tho, our anniversary is next Tues.

Rant Over!! Sorry for the essay 😯