Miscarriage

So here’s my story we had been ttc for a very long 13 months all we got was negative after negative after negative march comes around and my period was due the 21st no sign at all but I was Definitely not getting my hopes up after everything, two days later when I finally accepted that this was the most real it had been I took a test and got my bfp we were both over the moon i don’t think id ever been as happy in my whole entire life,

Had our booking appointment with the midwife and everything seemed fine.

Sunday the 15th or April came around and I was around 7 and a half weeks pregnant felt great all day then at night time I went to the toilet and when I wiped there was a small amount of brown discharge my world literally came crashing down but the midwife assured me that it can be perfectly normal and that it was brown so that means old blood also my period woulda been due in the next couple of days so she thought it could of been linked to that it stayed brown and got lighter and eventually stopped so I put it down to the linkage with what should of been my period dates, Wednesday past Thursday past and I felt good no bleeding nothing everything sensed normal.

Friday the 20th of April I was at work and I had some light cramps and I decided to go check things out in the toilet to make sure there was no blood pulled down my trousers and underwear to find my pants with blood on them it was a red/browny colour phoned the early pregnancy unit who told me it’s perfectly normal to have things like this in the first trimester and to put a pad on and keep an eye, this was my 4th time on the phone to them since the brown discharge started the Sunday before and nothing had happened so I was like right calm down they’ve been right so far but no over the weekend the bleeding got more red I wouldn’t say it got that heavy it was more just like a period nothing like what I was told it would be if it was a miscarriage, I tried to relax I was on the phone another 4 times and was booked in for a scan on the Monday morning to check things out.

Sunday night I went to bed feeling a bit relieved as the bleeding had lightened up and was more brown than anything no cramps nothing, early hours of the Monday morning around 3 am I woke up to the most horrific pain I was doubled over on the floor in tears it was that sore took a pain killer and the pain subsided and I went back to sleep woke up the Monday morning super excited that I was going to see my baby on the scan and finally have my mind put at ease my excitement drastically changed to horror when I went to the toilet stood up and felt something falling from the inside of me I caught it and it was a massive blood clot with this what looked like a ball of Water or something then I looked inside it and saw my little baby floating it had little hands and feet well the shape of them anyway, the terror was honestly so real I was absolutely devastated had to go to hospital and they done an internal scan and confirmed my worst fear that my baby was no longer growing inside of me I’ve never felt pain like this and right now I’m not seeing any light or any point to life I’d never wish this on anyone I was 8weeks +4 when my miscarried happened I loved that little baby so much and the 23/04/18 is a date that will haunt me for the rest of my life 😭💔