feeling down. :'(

I'm so depressed. I will be 42 in June.

husband and I have been trying to have another child for the last 4 years.

we had found out a few years ago he had a non cancerous tumor on his manly part. it was causing him pain so had it removed. because of the area it ended up pretty much giving him a vasectomy because of where they had to cut and stitch. He got that fixed so we thought but it wasn't done correctly. after many other issues we finally got to see another dr that fixed it 3 months ago. They said his count and mobility is good. but....it still hasn't happened. it's very hard because I was one of the lucky ones that could get pregnant the first time so the last 4 years has been extremely difficult.

my cycles used to be every 28 days then there was a period last year where they were irregular but lately it's been every 27-30 days.

although sometimes they are shorter and sometimes lighter. I'm frustrated because this month all of a sudden I'm 10 days late. I have had 2 negative tests and don't feel pregnant. it's just my body messing with me again. I don't even feel like it's going to start soon which I usually do. I just want to have it start so I can have a shot at another cycle. I may try a opk today because I would've been going

in to my fertile cycle. I don't know if u can just skip a cycle and go into another or not but I don't want to miss it if I do.

so now I think it's me having the problem.

I also had some cancerous cells scraped off my cervix a few years ago and praying that didn't cause any problems with me conceiving. my dr said it shouldn't.

I want this to happen naturally but may go to a fertility specialist. I'm So scared of running out of time. my heart aches so much for one more child. I wish I knew what was going on.... :'(

i