Jealously

I never thought of myself as a jealous person. Not until recently that is. Ever since I had a miscarriage I have been so jealous. Jealous of sonograms, baby announcements, gender reveals, births. All of it. Today just became too much. The 2 girls I babysat growing up both are pregnant and barely out of high school, my sister who doesn’t even want kids just found out she was pregnant, left and right people are posting pictures, statuses and everything else about their oreganancy. I want to try to be happy for them. But I just find myself becoming bitter and jealous. People who aren’t even trying get to have these beautiful babies living in them and some of them don’t even want it. I found myself bawling my eyes out to my husband today because it feels like everyone in the world can get pregnant but me. I know how ridiculous that sounds. I just feel so alone and broken. I have tried so hard to forgive myself to left myself relax. All I want in this world is to have a little family with my husband and I can’t even provide that for us. It’s breaking my heart and I’m at the point I don’t know what to do....I just want this precious gift so badly