Paying someone to fix my problems...

I've wanted to see a therapist for about 5 years now because I've suffered bouts of depression, occasional suicidal thoughts, and just generally lacking a desire to really live. I lack so much self esteem and it's starting to truly interfere with my life.

I'm NOT currently suicidal so please don't worry/report this post...

There was a time about 4 years ago where I had made an appointment to see my school counselor to try to talk about everything but when I told my boyfriend, he basically acted like I was being ridiculous for wanting to "pay someone else to fix my issues instead of fixing them myself" and that whoever I saw wouldn't even be able to help because they're just "glorified listeners" ....maybe that's true?

I just wanted someone to talk to...to hear my problems because I had no one back then...

I've tried to tell my parents about it...about how depressed I was and I thought they were going to support me and help and instead they made me feel like it was my fault I felt this way...maybe it is...I've tried so many times to be positive but I can't keep it up...

I'm scared to reach out to a professional and have them tell me the same thing...I mean maybe it is my fault that I'm like this but I wish it wasn't because I can't seem to fix myself which means I really am just worthless and weak....

My boyfriend now has helped tremendously because I don't feel so alone and I can vent to him but I still can't overcome this and I feel wrong depending on him so much. I want to be strong and happy and confident for him, not this incompetent and sad mess that I am.

When I tell him I want to see someone, he feels bad that he can't be the one to help me but tells me he just wants me to do what I feel is right for me. I just think my issues might be bigger than what he can handle as a regular person (vs. a professional who has spent years studying how to help) you know?

Anyways, I'm also scared to get help because of my parents...like I said, they haven't very supportive in this aspect in the past and I don't want them to act like I'm dumb or should be ashamed for seeking help...

Can any of you share your experience with seeing a therapist or psychologist? Did it help or really make a difference? Was it expensive?

Thank you in advance to anyone who answers...