Ok so here's the thing I am a good mother I was with my son 24 7 since the day he was born till I started working in June last year...I can't stand his father my soon to be ex. He never helped out around the house NEVER I worked 6 days a week from 5pm till 2am as a cook from June last year to December last year (2014) during this time my ex was working 4 10 hour days with a 4 day weekend very other week that's 4days off a week to help around the house and do some cleaning...you would think....he was only worried about going to the gym every chance he got so I had to take care of our son from early in the morning till 10 min before I had to leave for work....I have insomnia like horribly bad so after work I would stay up till almost time for jr to be awake every morning not by choice I tried everything nothing worked....lack of sleep plus horrible husband means crazy mommy or so i thought....I snapped and left him (my ex) he moved to my mother's with my son without my permission my mom told me she wouldn't let him keep jr from me....so plans were made to move back to my hometown with my son it was a set up to where I would be able to take him with me...the night I was set to leave tickets in hand ready to go to my mother's to pick up jr so i could leave town and in walks my ex with jr....completely screwing me on him not knowing that I left with jr....he told me flat out I would never see my son again and if I took jr he would kill me....I took one last look at my son told him I loved him and that I will see him again soon....and walked out the door....I was lost I didnt know what to do so i hitched a ride to town and because of this last argument with my ex I missed my buss....I had to drag my bags to the nearest McDonalds 2 miles away in the freezing rain and snow then after sitting there for 4 hours the manager recommended that I stay at the shelter for the night it was 5 am I was cold hungry and confused I was already to far from my son and I broke down multiple times that night so after another 5 mile walk threw town I got to the shelter and slept for 15 hours straight I have never done that before and all I dreamed about was jr....and the look on his face when I said goodbye....so after a long night I was on my way back to my hometown....I'm still lost without my child with me.

The divorce will be filed soon but my ex refuses to let me talk to jr calls me a abusive cheating who're pos mom things like that...I never cheeted on him I may have hit my ex a hand full of times but only if he needed it because h e wopulent get out of my face or spitting in my face...I never abused jr. I may have lost it and smacked him on the cheek once but as soon as that happened I snapped out of it and regretted it and vowed it would never happen again...which it never did...I cooked breakfast lunch and dinner for my son I was always interacting with him...hell I was a nanny for almost a year with 2 other children and we did all kinds of things....I'm a damn good person and a damn good mom...my only mistake was leaving him. It's been 6 months since I have held my son or hugged him or told him I love him and its killing me im in this horrible depression and I am even refused pictures I got one Easter and that was it...I didn't even get one on my birthday or mother's day...I need advice what should I do?

Oh and I dream in cartoon now and jr is in all of them telling me he loves me and misses me...I believe this is a mother son connection I can feel it in my heart