I really just need to get this off my chest.

My husband and I have been arguing nonstop (I only get to talk to him once a day for like 10 minutes at a time, he’s on deployment) and it’s always “so did you talk to any guys at work” or “you can’t go to the gym guys will look at you” or “why do you wear leggings to the gym when guys are there.”

I’m sick of this controlling bullshit.

And I get cabin fever badly, but everytime I visit my family out of state my son screams and my PPD gets bad. Like, it’s weird but whenever it’s just him and I I’m okay. When my husband was here I wanted nothing to do with my son because my husband is very in his ways and everything I was doing was wrong. When I’m with my family I’m bad because my son just screams when we’re here. I don’t understand, it’s only when he’s here, no where else. It drives me nuts and I’ve almost shaken him a couple times but I always catch myself.

I feel like an awful mom. There have been times where I want to leave the baby at my parents and just go drive off a bridge or something.

I just feel like I’m in such a slump in life and I hate it.

I just want to feel okay and be okay and have a husband that trusts me. (I have NEVER given him a reason not to but he’s given me a reason to not trust him).

I don’t know. I sound whiny and I just need to get over it.