JUST NEED A FRIEND!

LONG POST..

Yesterday afternoon my boyfriend & I broke up and today it feels like my heart is going to fall out of my chest. We’ve been growing distant for a while and it was a somewhat of a long distance relationship(he lives 3 hours away). Before we broke up I was trying to get him to communicate with me about what he was feeling but that shit failed miserably. He lacked communication skills and was not consistent. This wasn’t the case in the beginning when he was actually trying to get with me. We argued the last time I saw him which was 2 months ago. He stopped making the effort to come see me & would always make an excuse as to why he couldn’t come. When I tried to go there, he always told me he was going to be busy. All of these things were going on but I somehow wanted to make it work because I love him so much. He’s my first love and I’m 22, he’s 27. I was in an abusive (both emotional & physical) relationship for 5 years prior & I told him & he promised he’ll never do that to me but I feel like he’s abused me emotionally for the past 2 months. And yesterday, he told me he’d basically checked out of the relationship 2 months ago but was lying to me telling me was trying & wanted to work on it. I feel so broken & hurt. I felt like he was being selfish the whole relationship. I know he’s going through a lot but that’s no excuse because I am too. That’s why we were best friends so we could talk to each other. I graduate from college in a couple of weeks but I’m not even happy about it. I’ve lost 4 pounds due to stress & I’m already skinny. I’ve been trying to gain weight my whole life & this happens. How long does it take for the hurt to go away because I’m still in love with him. I want him back but I know I shouldn’t. He knows he needs help but he says he doesn’t want it. I can’t be with a man like that. He’s willing to push everyone away due to self pity & that’s so sad but I can’t carry that burden. I’m too young for that. Love really sucks.