Tell me why....

Why every month I get so excited when I go over 28 days without spotting then when I least expect it af hit. I’m only cd32 but last month it was cd39 when she finally started. I hate birth control with a passion. It was regular when I got off but we didn’t think I was ovulating. About 3 months off we got our first positive opk. Now almost 8 months off BC and sitting in the bathroom hiding from my husband taking a test so I can surprise and I’m the one surprised. Another BFN. I should have known. I know it could take up to a year but this sucks. It’s emotionally draining and it hurts. Please either show up on time or don’t show at all. I’ve prayed, I’ve cried(like every month) and I know my husband is getting worried. His ex got pregnant immediately after they got married and we’ve been trying for 8 months. He’s over 35 but I’m under so 1)I don’t think they will treat us 2) I think he’s worried his count went down when he got super sick about 2.5-3 years ago.

This is today’s. 😭💔