Sexual differences?

My partner and I are very close, but our sex lives are so out of sync with each other and I've no clue what to do. He is very much into BDSM-type things, loves to choke and flog, etc. He is, by all accounts and even self-described, a sadist. I, however, am so highly uncomfortable with this that I find myself feeling sad that it's a thing and not in the mood for it (alone time with my vibrator is where it's at right now). The idea of physically harming someone you love for a nut does not make sense to me personally, and I feel so terrible after it's all said and done. It makes me feel as though I'm nothing but a sex doll for him, while I view sex as something more serious and loving. He's a great guy with a great heart, but I don't feel any love from him when it comes to sex. We view the act very differently. I'm very open to exploration, but the things he is into are definitely on my hate list. I don't know what to do about this, I've never been in a situation like it before. We've tried talking about it a bit but he isn't able to get off unless he's partaking in those things. When he does, I can't get off and I just feel like shit afterward for having been subjected to these things and myself remaining sexually unfulfilled. I'm at such a loss right now, I'm not willing to leave because we're happy otherwise, but our sexual compatibility is almost nonexistent. Any tips? What can I do? I'm not interested in any "just leave him" comments so please don't waste our time with them. My point in asking is because I WANT this to work. I just need help.