Best friend, maybe?

Question

My and my best friend have been friends for 22 years. 3 years ago I got engaged and I obviously asked her to be my maid of honour, we ended up delaying the wedding to buy a house. She came to the engagement party, but literally nothing else, I’ve lived in this house for 2 and a bit years now and she has been here 3 times. 
She is one of those people who always are in the worse situation (ex one time I broke my foot, and her response was “oh one time I broke up leg, you’re fine”). Well I got pregnant exactly 9 months before my wedding 🤦‍♀️ so we decided to put it off for another year. Absolutely everything baby related she can’t be bothered to come to, she didn’t show for the gender reveal or babyshower. I unfortunately had my child extremely early and we spent a little over 120 days in the NICU. She has not talked to me at all since I had him, never congratulated me on having a baby, or asked how we were doing. We are all home now my baby is doing absolutely amazing. I was talking to my mom about it and she said “oh you know Josie, you were basically in the worst situation a new Mom can go threw and she can’t top that so she is keeping her distance”. It broke my heart, I needed friends at the time, and she couldn’t be bothered to even send me a text message, her mom messaged me weekly and even visited us in the NICU. 
Because things have settled down now, we have started to plan my wedding again, I sent out a group message to all my wedding party members and told them that planning is back on, and I’ll send them a date once we figure it out with our caterer, and she sent me a private message and said “ listen because you guys are changing up the plans, I'm super honoured that you asked me to be your maid of honour but I completely get it if you're downsizing to just family babe. I'll be there for your big day no matter what”, this is he first thing she has said to me in over 6 months. 
I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to say i think she is jealous of what I have, because it sounds childish but I’m 25 own my own home, my an extremely loving fiancé, a baby and am fairly financially stable, she is 26 and just recently moved back in with her parents. 
I don’t think she’s my friend anymore, and I just trying to hold on to this friendship because it’s been so long? Am I over reacting? Should I take her up on not being my maid of honour?

Answer

she hasnt been a best friend to you or even a friend for that matter for a very long time. i would feel no regret over eliminating her from the bridal party. at least she did it for you

Answer

Your former best friend is giving you an "out" to release you from promising to make her maid of honor. She's trying to tactfully tell you that she doesn't want to be involved in your wedding, so let her go. Friends drift apart and move on. She wasn't there for you when you needed it, and it's clear that she has other priorities on her life. You can be bitter about the past, or you can let go and move on.

Answer

You said she hasn't spoken to you in so long, but have YOU spoken to her? Asked her how's she's doing? Reached out to her not because you "need" her, but just because you enjoy her? Maybe she's feeling less significant to you with everything that's been going on in your life. 
Maybe reach out to her, tell her you miss her and see if she's willing to reconnect. Just a thought. 😊

Answer

You need to not be friends with her completely. It sounds as though she was done with you awhile ago.

Answer

Look, I don’t know her but I think she still likes u as her best friend but she is just busy. My best friend and I talk like once every two months, we don’t live close to each other since she got married so we don’t go to each other the way we used to. Now I have a baby and totally busy with him, she works in a very poisonous atmosphere that really drains her emotionally and physically. We both appreciate that one phone call , we love it but we both know that it’s very difficult now and our situation is now different than what used to be when we both were single. But the way you r saying that makes me ask u, did u ask for her help and she wasn’t there for u?

Answer

Honestly, I'd find another Maid of Honor. I'd just let her drift out of your life quietly seeing as that's what seems to be already happening. I have a friend like this and, eventually, I reached back out to her and it just started the process all over again. If I have a hard thing happening or even if it's something happy and exciting, she has little to say and tries to end the conversation quickly. But if I can't drive 20 minutes to see her at 2AM because she's sad about a boy, despite the fact that I'm married and pregnant and so never awake to even see the message, I'm a terrible, useless, horrible friend who's never there for her. I'm always wrong, no matter what. You don't need that stress in your life. Let her fade away. It'll be best for both of you.

Answer

I was in almost the exact same wedding predicament as you. I would take her up on her offer, it sounds like that’s what she’s wanting too. Don’t have anyone up there who can’t be completely happy for you, and your SO

Answer

She is DEFINITELY not your friend!

Answer

I think if you say anything it will be one of two things- either it will make the situation or worse. 
Either way you won’t get much of an answer. 
When you needed to focus on you and your baby and family she wasn’t there but I bet throughout the years you have been there for her for less ....
Weigh up if you actually now want her in yours and your babies lives - personally as much as it may hurt but it sounds like you can do this with the love of your friends and family that have been there for you. 
Part time friends aren’t worth the worry x good luck and glad baby is good x

Best friend, maybe?

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