being raped for 6 years sucks. and i can tell you that it effects every single aspect of my life from the minute i wake up all the way until i wake up again. it haunts my dreams. it haunts my thoughts. i was 6. i didn’t know. i was so familiar with sex and feeling good and by the time i was twelve i was a whore. i was “unusable” i was “worthless” so the day he stopped. at twelve. i felt lost. i felt i was missing soemthing. so i lost my virginity at 12. judge all you want but i didn’t know it was wrong. all i knew is that it was good. normal. part of everyday living. now. he’s in jail. about to get out actually. and still. everyday i wake up and still wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. why am i not good enough. why wasn’t i good enough. why do i hate every aspect of myself the way he hated me too. i cut. i have for about 5 years. because cutting is my way of finally showing the world the pain that will never be seen in my brain. i don’t think scars add beautiful nor should anyone cut. but sometimes. sometimes i hate myself so much i could leave the world.