Absolutely distraught

My boyfriend and I have been TTC for about a year now and last month we finally found out we were pregnant! Faint lines yes, but it was still early anyways. But only a few days after we lost the baby and I’ve been in a deep depression ever since. I see all these ladies on my timeline that are having babies left and right and they don’t want them, they’re not trying to have a baby. Most of them don’t even deserve to have kids, yes that’s a horrible thing to say but I grew up knowing these young women. I’m just so envious of them and I wish I could be them. I’m trying to do everything right but maybe its not meant to be.. I’m scared that after the miscarriage I’m not going to be able to have any. It’s driven my thoughts more and more towards suicide although I’d never do it. I just sometimes wish I were dead so I wouldn’t have to feel this pain and envy that burns in my soul.

Edit: I didn’t mean that they don’t deserve them but the circumstances they’re in or the drugs and alcohol they do and drink makes them not deserve them. They aren’t fit to be a mother. I’ve seen a girl publicly smoking a cigarette and she’s noticeably pregnant. And far along too. Someone I know starves and beats their dogs and they just had a baby so I can only imagine what they do or lack there of to the baby.