I’m the “other girl”....

I knew this guy had a girlfriend when I️ met him. I swerved him when he would try to get with me but somehow one night i got drunk with him and a friend and we hooked up. I wish i could say that was it, but we have hooked up a couple more times since. I literally do not have feelings for this guy at all it is just sex but if he hit me up again i would still hook up with him even though he has a girlfriend... like what is wrong with me? I feel bad and I hate myself and I just want to know if I am the only one that has ever done this and how you stopped?

Update : okay yes I REALIZE THIS IS HORRIBLE AND I AM HORRIBLE THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME ITS NOT LIKE I AM REMINDED EVERYDAY. I wasn’t looking to get slammed with hate for this post I genuinely wanted help because obviously I know I have issues if I did this and feel bad and don’t ever want it to happen again. Also, I don’t know why I can’t cut off ties. I want to but I just can’t so maybe I do have feelings?

But I️ have been fucked over by so many guys that I️ honesty just don’t care about my body or myself anymore, which I think is why this ever even happened.

So thank you for all your kind words of advice.

Thank you so much for all the kind and supportive words you actually have made me realize I would be better off dead so that is what I am going to do . Look myself. Thank you for making me realize this, also I may be drunk rn while I am typing this so thank you for outing my brain I to perspective. I deserve the absolute worst life ever. So might as well just end it right now when it is at its absolute worst.