Maybe my dads a pedophile 😔

My father was a good dad my entire life up until he started doing meth. He goes completely insane on it. When I was 15 I woke up to my dad naked under my bed. I found my underwear in his car with no explanation of how they got there. He never actujally touched me (that i kmnow of) but there has always been things that made me uncomfortable after ho got addicted. He is my dad and a part of me loves him so I always told myself it was the meth that turned him into a monster. It's not who he is but the meth. I have since gotten older (22) and moved out. I keep trying to tell myself it was the meth. but I know other people that do meth that might steal from you, but would not "molest" you. I am starting to believe that it is not the meth but that the meth enhances his fucked up mind. It makes me sad because I really don't want him to be that way. All i want is for him to be a good man and father. I know it is messed up that I still love him. well...more like care about him but I cant help it honestly. I keep trying to make excuses for him but deep down I know the truth and it sickens me to my core. He is on parole and i honestly can't wait until he gets busted. Hes already been to prison 3 times for drugs and breaking into peoples sheds so the next time is a wrap. He sent me a Facebook message the other day about go check out his sex site profile with a link at 3 in the morning. maybe he sent it on accident? maybe he didn't realize? was it meant for someone else? i know. i know. excuses again. I dont even know why I'm writing this. just to get it out I guess. I am stuck in between caring about my father and hating him with a passion. It just hearts my heart and I have no fucking clue about how I should even feel 😔