I delivered via emergency c section at 41+1.

I was very impatient for the baby to come, but knew she would be late. But by 41 weeks, I was ready for her to be out. Early that morning, I had a lot of stomach pain / pressure, coming and going but high in my belly. I was heading into the OB anyways, to discuss options, but dismissed it. They seemed to be OK to induce at 42 weeks, but I didn't want to wait any longer. Who knew my wish would come true.

After a NST/ultrasound, the doctor came in and asked if my sac had broken because my amniotic fluid was really low. She said it could have been because I was a week overdue, or that there was an issue but because my fluid was measuring 3, that I had to go to the hospital right away. Also found out that the baby, although head down, was face up, which signaled a possible longer, more painful labor.

Didn’t even have my hospital bag, jumped in a cab, and met husband at hospital.

Once I got hooked up, we realized that I was actually having contractions but not noticing them.

I didn't ever want a c section, but after a miscarriage and some complications, I had been very calm about the whole labor - telling myself not to get worked up with having a perfect plan or so rigid around what interventions I wanted to avoid. Oddly enough everything went to shit, and I was really traumatized from the delivery and upset about how it all went down - so, so much for calm nerves along the way.

They did a cervical balloon - ouch! not fun! - and started me on pitocin right away. I reacted strongly to the pitocin and actually A few hours went by and I dilated a bit more and once the pain got intense we started the epidural/ which was the best thing ever.

But even though I was slowly dialating, the baby's heart rate was dropping badly, what I now learned are late decels, so I would have to adjust positions, go on oxygen, etc. They came in and told me they were a bit concerned about how she was reacting to the pitocin and warned me that a c section was a possibility, and I think they also mentioned NICU as a possibility. I also was running a fever which they were concerned about.

I labored for like 13 hours and got to 9 cm, but then, all the sudden, her heart rate really dropped and stayed low for several minutes. And this was when everything got horribly scary. My nurse rushed in, and started to get very nervous, called in all the emergency crew and my OB, who was finishing delivering someone else. They told me to get on all fours, but I was so numb I couldn't move, so my husband and everyone had to help me, I started sobbing hysterically and trying not to panic and yelling at myself to calm down but I really lost it. What made me scared was when they were trying to figure out how many minutes her heart rate was low - and it was like at least 6, but then at some point they mentioned 7 or 8. I was terrified for my baby.

She finally stabilized, and I got turned back on my back, and this is the moment that I remember with utter clarity - that I demanded, in front of all the doctors and nurses, "I want a c section! I want a c section! I feel threatened and I want her out right now." one of the emergency doctors was like, "she's stable now," and I was like "but I can't handle if she drops again." I was so afraid she wouldn't be stable enough for more hours of delivery, even though I was dilated to 9 cm, given that she was face up.

We rushed to the OR, for an emergency c section. And they prepped and got my husband ready and got her out immediately. I got to see her for a few seconds as the pediatrician put her on me briefly before they took her to NICU and took a bunch of photos for us.

I sent hubby back to NICU because I wanted someone to be with the baby and her not to be alone. The worst of this was having to wait to get cleared to see my own baby. They said I had to get rid of my catheter and be able to walk before they would clear me. It was the most painful, exhausting walk around the hospital floor to show my nurse I could do it, but I powered through it to see my baby. I lost it, waiting alone in the room, until I could finally get approved and then waiting an hour or more for an escort to take me to NICU to see her.

I had a big snotty nose cry all over her as soon as I got wheeled in to see her. Put her right on my breast and she started feeding.

Baby is just doing great. She's 3 weeks today. But I continue to question myself, that I made a mistake and should have delivered vaginally, or that the baby was fine and I overthought the complications during the labor. The c section recovery is no joke and I constantly question my decision. I cry about it almost every day, just reliving the panic and worry. I know she's safe, but the combination of the hormones postpartum and the scariness of how much felt out of control in the last minutes really stays with you.

That's my birth story.